The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 152,
June 27, 1917, by Various

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net


Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 152, June 27, 1917
       1917 Almanack

Author: Various

Release Date: November 4, 2004 [EBook #13954]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH 1917 ALMANACK ***




Produced by Jonathan Ingram, William Flis, Renald Levesque, and the
PG Online Distributed Proofreading Team.

PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 152.

Almanack, June 27, 1917.

CALENDAR, 1917.

AFTER THE WAR: THE WAR-WORK HABIT.

LADY GREEN-PARKER (LATE PLATOON-COMMANDER IN A WOMAN'S VOLUNTEER CORPS) STARTS HER GARDENERS AT WORK FOR THE DAY.

MRS. BROMPTON RHODES (WHO HAS BEEN WORKING ON THE LAND) FINDS IT IMPOSSIBLE TO ARRANGE THE FLOWERS ON HER DINING-TABLE WITHOUT DONNING HER SMOCK AND CORDUROYS.

LADY ALBERT HALL (FORMERLY A RED-CROSS AMBULANCE DRIVER) DEALS WITH A BREAK-DOWN OF HER CAR IN BOND STREET.

THE HON. MRS. KENSINGTON GORE (ONCE A MUNITION-WORKER) IS INFORMED THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE TAP OF HER SCULLERY SINK.

AFTER THE WAR: THE WAR-WORK HABIT.

THE DUCHESS OF PIMLICO (WHO USED TO ENTERTAIN CONVALESCENT SOLDIERS AT HER COUNTRY SEATS) GIVES A GARDEN PARTY AT PIMLICO HOUSE, BELGRAVIA.

THE COUNTESS OF KNIGHTSBRIDGE AND HER CHARMING DAUGHTERS (WHO HAVE ALL BEEN WORKING IN CANTEENS) CANNOT AT ONCE ACCUSTOM THEMSELVES TO THE ORDINARY AMENITIES OF AFTERNOON "AT HOMES."

Sergeant-Major (who has the professional mind). "HE'S A GOOD MAN IN THE TRENCHES, SIR, AND A GOOD MAN IN A SCRAP, SIR; BUT YOU'LL NEVER MAKE A SOLDIER OF HIM."

Sergeant-Major (to nervous gunner who has got mixed up with drag-rope). "WHAT WERE YOU BEFORE YOU JOINED THE ARMY? A SNAKE-CHARMER?"

HOME-MADE MUNITIONS.

"HEAVENS, SERGEANT, WHAT'S THIS?"

"THAT JOKE OF MINE, YOU KNOW—WHEN I ASK A RECRUIT WHO'S BEEN THROWN, 'WHO THE DEVIL ASKED YOU TO DISMOUNT, SIR?' WELL, HERE'S ONE OF THE PAPERS SAYS IT'S THE OLDEST WHEEZE IN THE WORLD!"

WHY NOT V.A.D. SECTION OF VIVANDIÈRES AT OUR THEATRE-BARS TO RENDER FIRST AID TO ANY RECKLESS YOUTH WHO HAS THE TEMERITY TO TAKE A THEATER WHISKY?

A FALSE ALARM.

"CALL ME AT SEVEN SHARP."

BOOM!

BANG!

CRASH!

"OH, ZEPPS?"

"I WAS AFRAID IT WAS TIME TO GET UP!"

THE COMPLETE FILM ACTOR.

"ARE YOU A GOOD PUGILIST?"

Mr. Percy Garrick Smithers, actor, finding the path to fame less smooth on the legitimate stage than he believed it to be by the Cinema route, went to a producer of film plays and offered his services.

"Yes," said the producer, "I might possibly give you lead in a big sensational I am about to put up. Are you a good pugilist?"

"I have indulged a little in the pastime of sparring," answered Percy.

"Good," said the producer. "You see, the picture opens with Bill Bloodred, the champion prize-fighter, demanding certain documents from his aged uncle. As the latter won't surrender the papers. Bill gives him a swinging blow to the jaw, a few more heavy ones to various other parts of the body, and then proceeds to kick the old man to death as the latter lies helpless on the floor. It's one of those thrilling scenes the juveniles like so much! Then you come in and tackle Bill."

"Quite so," said Percy.

"A terrific fight ensues. Bill surpasses anything he has ever done in the ring, and it goes on until at last you collapse. Bill escapes, leaving you for dead. Do you catch the idea?"

"Pretty well," said Percy.

"IT IS YOURSELF VERSUS THE POLICE."

"Now Bill goes straight away to the police office and states that you have murdered his uncle. When you come to, you are surrounded by about twenty members of the police force, the chief of whom slips the handcuffs over your wrists. With one wrench you snap the chain and are free!"

"With one wrench?" asked Percy, to be sure he was getting the details correctly.

"With one wrench. Then ensues another big struggle. This time it is yourself versus the police."

"The twenty?"

"Quite right. After some time you show signs of weakening, and the police look like getting the upper hand."

"Ah!" remarked Percy.

"But just then Mignon, the old man's daughter, emerges from behind a screen. She tells the police the facts and proclaims your absolute innocence."

"Good!" said Percy.

"YOU ARE SEEN FALLING, FALLING, FALLING."

"The chief of the police thereupon shakes you by the hand and apologises. You indicate that it will now be your life's work to bring the assassin, Bill, to justice, and then you quit. I should mention that before leaving you fall in love with Mignon, and promise that on your return you'll marry her at once. That parting scene will want a bit of acting. Your countenance must show successive degrees of pain, as if you had eaten something that was disagreeing with your digestion; and you mustn't omit the most effective suffering expression of all—chin raised, mouth open, eyelids closed tightly—just as if you were about to sneeze. You'll find your experience on the stage quite useful, you know."

"Oh, quite, quite," agreed Percy.

"Now you are out in the street. You seize the first motor-car at hand, and start off on the grand hunt after Bill. Through the crowded streets, out into the country highway, you fly at a terrific speed. Up the mountain passes you race, down precipitous slopes with every-increasing momentum. Every moment, it seems, will be your last. But you come safely through."

"Certainly," said Percy.

"That is to say—almost. Unfortunately, in turning a sharp corner, the car plunges into the waters of a rapid mountain torrent!"

"Dear, dear!" said Percy.

"But you come safely through—"

Percy heaved a sigh of relief.

"YOU FOLLOW HIM."

"You are seen falling, falling, falling, [pg 11] still in your car, with the descending cataract. Over and over you are turned in the seething waters, dashed against rocks, hurled through ravines, and finally you are given a sheer drop down a perpendicular waterfall of three hundred feet. Out of the white foam formed in the bed of the waters you emerge swimming strongly hand over hand, until at last you reach the broad waters of the placid river, and finally the shore. Here you notice a train passing some little distance away, and in it, gazing out of one of the windows, you observe—Bill, the murderer! You at once start in pursuit; by a superb effort you catch up the train, and just succeed in swinging yourself safely on board. You can do a little sprinting, I suppose?"

"I could give an ordinary train a bit of a start, no doubt," said Percy with confidence.

"Just so," pursued the producer. "And now you find yourself confronting the miscreant, Bill. The train is passing through a city. It is on the elevated railway. Bill makes a dash for the door, springs out, and lands on the roof of a house. You follow him—your leap being considerably greater, because between his jump and yours the train has proceeded a certain distance."

"Precisely," said Percy.

"Now there is a scramble over the roof-tops. You climb up pipes, slide down slates, leap across spaces between separate houses, cling to coping stones, and all that sort of thing."

"I grasp the idea," said Percy.

"HE CUTS THE WIRES ON WHICH YOU ARE CROSSING."

"At last Bill is seized with a notion. He throws himself on to the telephone wires, and, hanging by his hands, manages to convey himself across to the houses on the opposite side of the road. You imitate him. As Bill arrives on the other side, he turns and cuts the wires on which you are crossing. Before the ends of the wires fall, however, you turn a quick somersault and land beside Bill. Once more there is a race over the roofs until Bill reaches a factory chimney. Down the shaft he dives. So do you. Into the furnace below, then out of it, the chase continues—it doesn't pause for a moment."

"Not a moment," echoed Percy as in a trance.

"THE LAST SCENE OF ALL WILL BE YOUR WEDDING."

"Yes, it does, for you and Bill have dragged out of the furnace some of the burning coal; this has caught some inflammable material, and soon the whole factory is alight. Now you rush round to alarm the workers. And what do you find? Mignon! She had gone out into the world to earn her own bread, and had found employment in this factory. The manager of the factory, an arch villain, had noted Mignon's beauty, and just as you arrive he is dragging her away. You snatch Mignon from his grasp. At that moment Bill comes up, takes in the situation, seizes the treacherous manager, and flings him into the devouring flames. Then Bill assists you to carry Mignon through the suffocating smoke out to safety, but as you disappear the now dying manager draws his revolver and fires after you. You are struck by the bullet, but bear up until, with Bill's help, you have brought Mignon out of danger. Then you faint away."

"Not till then?" said Percy.

"No, not till then. The last scene of all will be your wedding at the church. Mignon, of course, is the bride, and Bill is your best man. You see, he retrieved his character by the aid given at the factory fire, and you have forgiven him the murder of his uncle. Oh, and, by the way, you wouldn't have to be really shot at the rehearsals, you know."

"That's fine!" said Percy. "When would you like me to start?"

"A week from now."

"Good. That will give me a nice opportunity to get fit, and to have one last good time in case any unforeseen mishap should occur in the course of rehearsal. Of course I see no reason whatever to anticipate any accident, but they have been known to happen under circumstances even more commonplace, if that were possible."

THE EVICTION OF AN ENEMY IN OUR MIDST.

BRITISH MATRON, IN A SPASM OF PATRIOTISM, DECIDES TO GET RID OF HER GERMAN PIANO. MESSRS. DUGOUT AND CO. UNDERTAKE TO REMOVE IT.

"NOW, THEN, WHEN I SES, 'TO ME!'"

"TO ME!"

THE EVICTION OF AN ENEMY IN OUR MIDST.

"TO YOU! FROM ME!"

THE SPIRIT OF FRIGHTFULNESS ACTIVE TO THE VERY END.

PEACE—AT A PRICE.

MESOPOTAMIA.

Tommy (to Padre, who has been telling him about the Scriptural associations connected with the country). "SUPPOSED TO BE THE GARDEN OF EDEN, IS IT, SIR? WELL, IT WOULDN'T TAKE NO FLAMIN' SWORD TO KEEP ME OUT OF IT."

THE TRUCE—AND AFTER.

[Lines alleged to have been recently found on the back of a miniature target (of which only the bull's-eye was perforated), and believed to be the work of a private in the County of London Volunteer Regiment.]

This year at ease on Ben Macquhair

Couches a certain stag;

Fearless he sniffs his native air

Because he knows I can't be there

To scare him off his crag.

This year his instinct (true, though dumb)

Tells him by subtle signs

No bullet loosed by me shall come

Shattering earth below his tum

Or whistling through his tines.

Yet little knows he why the hill

Misses my wonted feet,

Or how I've learned a lethal skill

At mimic butts that bodes him ill

When next I stalk his beat.

I trow that he would swoon for fright

Upon the purple ling

To know that in a decent light

I'd undertake the death, at sight,

Of any living thing.

O not for nothing do I grow

Efficient, eye and hand,

Schooling myself to strike a blow

In home defence against a foe

That never means to land.

Some fruit of toil there yet shall be

For this poor volunteer;

When War's abatement sets him free

From bloodless duties, I foresee

A deadly time for deer!

O.S.

MR. PUNCH'S UNAUTHORISED WAR PICTURES.

FIRST SERIES. AT THE FRONT.

GENERAL LLOYD GEORGE, WAR LORD.

MR. WINSTON CHURCHILL (JOURNALIST) GIVES THE HUN ANOTHER SHOCK.

AT THE FRONT.

MR. ARNOLD BENNETT AND MR. H.G. WELLS (rival bookmakers—together). "WHAT'S THIS FELLOW DOING HERE?"

Mr. Hilaire Belloc. "THIS TRENCH IS WRONG. IT DOESN'T AGREE WITH MY MAP."

AT THE FRONT.

SIR ARTHUR WING PINERO TAKES A TRIP ON A TANK TO SEE HOW HOUSES ARE BROUGHT DOWN.

SUSPENSION OF HOSTILITIES TO ALLOW SIR HERBERT TREE TO THROW OFF A FEW SOLILOQUIES FROM HAMLET.

AT THE FRONT.

LORD NORTHCLIFFE DICTATES AN ARTICLE FOR THE TIMES.

MR. WOODROW WILSON (WITH MASCOT) TRIES TO FIND A SYMPATHETIC SOUL.

Mr. PUNCH'S NATIONAL SERVICE FOR ALL.

It is not implied that the above are at present out of War Work—but Mr. Punch is very anxious to see everybody's natural gifts employed to the best advantage.

SECOND SERIES. IN FRONT OF THE FRONT.

SOME OF THE ENEMY'S UNFULFILLED ANTICIPATIONS.

WILLIAM IN BAGHDAD.

FRANCIS-JOSEPH IN VENICE.

IN FRONT OF THE FRONT.

THE CROWN PRINCE IN PARIS. A LITTLE VISIT TO THE LOUVRE.

BETHMANN-HOLLWEG OCCUPIES NO. 10, DOWNING STREET. WELCOME BY TEUTON VIRGINS ARRANGED BY WOLFF, PRESS AGENT.

IN FRONT OF THE FRONT.

HINDENBURG IN THE NEVA-NEVA LAND.

RICHARD STRAUSS CONDUCTS THE "HYMN OF HATE" AT THE ALBERT HALL.

IN FRONT OF THE FRONT.

COUNT ZEPPELIN TAKES THE SURRENDER OF LONDON.

TIRPITZ UP THE THAMES.

FASHIONS IN THE NEW GERMANY.

[Dr. EUGEN WOLFF has contributed to the Illustrirte Zeitung an article on "How we are to order our External Life in the New Germany," from which we cull the following selected passages.]

"LET OUR WOMEN WHO LOOK TO PARIS FOR THEIR FASHIONS,

OUR MEN WHO LOOK TO LONDON, REMEMBER THAT—

OUR PHYSICAL FORM IS NOT THAT OF THE ENGLISH AND FRENCH."

"GERMAN CLOTHES AFTER THE WAR MUST BE MODELLED ON SOME PARTICULAR NATIONAL COSTUME NOTED FOR ITS EASE AND BEAUTY."

Uncle. "WELL, MY BOY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE IN A BATTLE WITH ME? FOLLOW ME—OR RUN AWAY?"

Nephew (carried away by martial enthusiasm and prepared to undertake anything). "BOTH, UNCLE."

Military Policeman. "WHO ARE YOU?"

Muddy Tommy. "THEY CALLS ME—CALLS ME, MIND YER—A BLANKETY LANCER!"

HYGIEIA AND THE CHEMIST.

IDEAL ADVERTISEMENT OF A SUFFERER FROM INDIGESTION ABOUT TO IMBIBE A PATENT REMEDY.

THE SAME SUBJECT FROM LIFE.

A ROYAL FOUR-BALL MATCH.

ST. HELENA GOLF COURSE.

MEHMED OF TURKEY DRIVES OFF FROM THE FIRST TEE.

Like the enemy, Mr. Punch also has projected himself "in front of the front," and, in a moment of prophetic inspiration, anticipated the following account, from the pen of his Special Correspondent, of a post-bellum competition on the St. Helena links:—

"The life of our royal captives in the internment camp at St. Helena is the subject of a report from the Governor of the Island, which was issued last night as a Purple Paper. The Governor, after dealing with general matters, writes:—

CROWN PRINCE "THROWS BAG OF CLUBS AFTER THE BALL."

'In the interests of health I have permitted the less exalted members of the camp to lay out a small golf course within the enclosed area, and yesterday the links were declared open, the ceremony taking the form of a four-ball competition, in which the German CROWN PRINCE was partnered with FRANCIS-JOSEPH of Austria against FERDINAND of Bulgaria and MEHMED of Turkey. Although present at the proceedings I feel that I cannot do better than include in my report an account of the contest which appeared in The St. Helena Sentinel.'"

Extract from St. Helena Sentinel:—

"Internment Camp, 3 p.m.—CROWN PRINCE, who plays slashing reckless game, takes honour at first hole (Liége to Loos), hooks at right angles, dents two spectators, and ends up in Aisne Bunker. FERDINAND (canny, cautious type of player) hits a wind-cheating screamer which finished fully forty yards from the tee. Critics differ as to FRANCIS-JOSEPH's shot, and it is still a moot point whether he had a species of fit or was simply trying to follow through. When restored to perpendicular was found to have ball deeply embedded in his person. Disqualified for handling. MEHMED (a left-hander; uses clubs with scimitar-shaped shafts) puts his drive over short slip into the club-house kitchen. C.P., after converting Aisne Bunker into mine crater, picks up. M., hopelessly bunkered in the Irish Stew, also picks up. F. holes out in a stealthy nineteen. Bulgar-Turk Combine one up.

2nd Hole (Ypres Salient—120 yards pitch).—FRANCIS-JOSEPH, strongly urged by Czech backers to use his foot instead of his clubs, heels out in seventeen and squares the match. (Sensation.)

"FIRST-HAND EXHIBITION OF FRIGHTFULNESS."

3rd hole (Czernowitch to Brest-Litowski).—CROWN PRINCE, taking the Przaritczow-Blokhod-Strypovitchi line, puts long-range shot into the Pripet Marches. MEHMED, after undermining greater part of the Bukowina, reports progress from the tee. FRANCIS-JOSEPH, reverting to clubs, misses tee-shot twenty-four times and retires exhausted to bath-chair. [pg 31] FERDIE's wind-cheater, badly sliced, trickles into the Warsaw whins and is lost. C.P., arrived at edge of Pripet Marshes, drops another ball, tops it into hazard, throws bag of clubs after it, and sends for another set. Hole abandoned, M. having taken thirty-nine shots and a life-line to get out of the Blokhod Swamp.

4th Hole (Kilimanjaro to Tanganyika).—CROWN PRINCE drives out of bounds twelve times, gives away second set of clubs and sends for a third. FRANCIS-JOSEPH, attempting the Smuts Smash from edge of Usambara Bunker, over-balances into hazard and is partially suffocated. FERDINAND is disqualified for pushing on the green. MEHMED holes his tee shot. (Uproar.) Orientals one up.

5th Hole (Douaumont to Verdun—long heart-breaking test of golf.)—CROWN PRINCE gives first-hand exhibition of frightfulness and cuts down caddy with a niblick, the miserable fellow having coughed as C.P. was about to drive. MEHMED, who is now taking a larger size in fezzes by reason of performance at last tee, puts eight new balls into the Meuse Burn and gives up. FRANCIS-JOSEPH, still too full of sand to play hole, awaits arrival of vacuum-cleaner. FERDINAND, after twice exploiting the Big Push brassie shot, is suspended for cutting the cloth. C.P. abandons hole (or what is left of it) after missing two-inch putt.

5p.m.—Match all square at the turn. Exhaustive search now being made for MEHMED, who was last seen (and heard) seeking his ball in the Mametz Wood. Ominous silence for past five minutes. Grave reason to fear that he has cut down entire wood upon himself.

"A BRILLIANT RUN-THROUGH CANNON."

5.30 p.m.—MEHMED rescued from débris but will take no further part in contest, following match on a stretcher. FRANCIS-JOSEPH now shows signs of extreme exhaustion and plays all shots from bath-chair. FERDINAND, who asserts himself a match for both his opponents, won tenth hole (Helles Hell—hundred-yards carry over dense undergrowth) with brassie shot that ricochetted off five spectators and two trees, finishing up three inches from the pin. By careful putting he got down in two more. CROWN PRINCE has just thrown away third set of clubs.

6 p.m.—FRANCIS-JOSEPH has retired. Can no longer swing a club, and has booked bed in camp hospital. CROWN PRINCE still awaiting fresh set of clubs. Will now play FERDINAND a single.

6.15 p.m.—FERDINAND, who has been granted permission to cue on the greens, has just won eleventh hole by a brilliant run-through cannon off CROWN PRINCE's ball.

6.30 p.m.—FERDINAND has retired.

"TAKING A LARGER SIZE IN FEZZES."

7.10 p.m.—FERDINAND has retired about two miles. Cause of withdrawal occurred on fourteenth green, when F. mis-cued and blamed CROWN PRINCE's shadow. C.P., in his frightfulness, struck F. savagely in the face with a baffy and threw F.'s rubber tee into Salonika Pond. When F. remonstrated, C.P. took the offensive and F. was forced to yield ground. When last seen was yielding ground rapidly and in danger of having his lines of communication cut.

7.50 p.m.—CROWN PRINCE to continue solus. Going out for record of the course.

8.10 p.m.—Record abandoned, CROWN PRINCE having thrown away or broken every available club in the St. Helena Sector."

Governor's report (resumed).—"In the not too sanguine hope that my prisoners will one day grasp the meaning of the term 'Sportsmanship,' I have given my consent to the holding of a cricket-match at an early date. I am reliably informed that in HINDENBURG the Austro-German XI. has a remarkable bowler of the googly order. On some of the Riga grounds, when two feet in mud, he was quite unplayable. FERDINAND, who will captain the other side, is very fast for several overs, though his action is not above suspicion. Great efforts are being made to get FRANCIS-JOSEPH to keep wicket. I trust to include an account of the match in a subsequent report."

THE "FORTRESS" OF LONDON.

(AS PICTURED BY TEUTON IMAGINATION.)

THE "FORTRESS" OF LONDON.

(AS PICTURED BY TEUTON IMAGINATION.)

A CITY TEA SHOP BEFORE THE ALARM.

THE SAME AFTER THE ALARM.

THE MUSIC-HALL MANAGER'S DREAM.

"WHEN THE BOYS COME HOME."

PEACE DAYS IN PICCADILLY.

Excited Tommy (as the gun gets into position). "'ERE, BACK 'ER DOWN A BIT. SHE'S ON MY FAG!"

THE FALSE INCOME-TAX RETURN—

—AND ITS RECTIFICATION.

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol.
152, June 27, 1917, by Various

*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH 1917 ALMANACK ***

***** This file should be named 13954-h.htm or 13954-h.zip *****
This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
        http://www.gutenberg.net/1/3/9/5/13954/

Produced by Jonathan Ingram, William Flis, Renald Levesque, and the
PG Online Distributed Proofreading Team.


Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
will be renamed.

Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
redistribution.



*** START: FULL LICENSE ***

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
http://gutenberg.net/license).


Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic works

1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works.  See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
States.

1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
1.E.9.

1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.

1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg-tm License.

1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.net),
you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
that

- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."

- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
     License.  You must require such a user to return or
     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
     Project Gutenberg-tm works.

- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
     of receipt of the work.

- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.

1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
your equipment.

1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.

1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.


Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm

Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.


Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.

The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
page at http://pglaf.org

For additional contact information:
     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
     Chief Executive and Director
     gbnewby@pglaf.org


Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
particular state visit http://pglaf.org

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
donations.  To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate


Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works.

Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.


Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.


Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:

     http://www.gutenberg.net

This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.